Failure
Henri Nouwen reminds us that “new life is born out of the pains of the old,” but on these last days of my fast, I find myself refusing to acknowledge the pains of the old life, feeding that life furiously lest I feel the full impact of its deficiency. It is not hunger that drives me to eat all night long, but the absence of indulgence–so long have I gone without the feeling of an overfull stomach that my flesh has come to desire excess in place of satisfaction. And I, consumed by the busyness of life, almost fail to notice that I am pursuing that excess with all intensity and vigor.
But these are those crucial moments when the pursuit of self-denial comes of age, when one allows God the room to transform a demonstration into a lifestyle. In nearly a month of fasting, I have begun to loosen my grip on extravagance and reach wholeheartedly towards Christ; I will not turn back now.
9 November 2004 |
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